Purple and Black
Taking Independent and Unofficial Back

Wait - I *haven't* started a 2024 Movies thread? Well, I have now!

A PEAKY BLINDERS UPDATE!
The day after I watched "Snack Shack", which is a date that I have successfully erased from my memory - along with everything else that happened on that date

Since the world is seemingly devoid of written entertainment, sometimes I re-read all the posts I've made in this thread. I might not have much going for me but I can and do entertain myself. And also, sometimes I can and do forget what I wrote.

Case in point - "Peaky Blinders". I noticed that I gave it a less-than-glowing summation after only one episode.

Have I told you lately how much I love Mrs. RodeoSchro? I haven't? I love her a lot! For many and varied good reasons but not the least of which is she insisted we watch another episode of "Peaky Blinders". We did, and I got hooked!

We are now almost through Season 4 of 6 and a cool thing about these seasons is that they only have 6 episodes each. So, Tommy Shelby and his mates can lay waste to various shady organizations rather quickly. In Season 4. he's currently tangling with the incredible Adrian Brodie, who represents The Mafia. And you know what? The Mafia kind of deserves to win, what with Tommy Shelby having been responsible for the death of Brodie's dad. But then again, Brodie's dad did kill Tommy Shelby's wife, even though it was an accident as he was trying to kill Tommy Shelby and Tommy Shelby's wife got in the way of a bullet. But then again, Brodie's dad was trying to kill Tommy Shelby because Tommy Shelby's brother had Peaky Blindered Adrian Brodie for the sin of Brodie trying to date a Shelby woman.

But let's talk about the elephant in the room. Smoking. Man, there's a lot of it. That's all Tommy Shelby does, except when he's killing someone. As much as I hate to give smoking a pass, I do understand that in the 1920's, everyone smoked - especially dudes who'd seen the horrors of war that Tommy Shelby and his Peaky Blinders had seen in WWI. And Cillian Murphy has come out and said smoking is bad and he hopes he never has to smoke any more fake/clove cigarettes, what with having smoked about 3,000 of them for "Peaky Blinders" and about 1,000 more as Oppenheimer in "Oppenheimer".

Bad news, Cillian - it appears there's going to be a "Peaky Blinders" movie so I guess you have a few more packs of fake smokes to burn through.

Be that as it may, the acting by all the characters throughout this series has been absolutely fantastic. In addition to Murphy and Brodie, Sam Neill and Tom Hardy have been award-worthy.

That's all for now. Gotta go finish Season 4!
 
LONGLEGS
July 20, 2024

Murder. Mayhem. FBI agents. Serial killings. Satanism. Nockels Cage.

Go see it.

Four Algorithms out of Five Algorithms. BTW, "Algorithms" does not have the proper amount of vowels, does it?
 
DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G
July 28, 2024


This is a great Deadpool movie, which is to say that I had no idea what the heck it's about, but Ryan Reynolds spit out racy one-liners almost non-stop.

I ask you - what more could you want in a movie?

Oh, you want blood? You got it!

You want cameos of people that I had no idea who they were, but everyone else in the Imax theater went "Oooooooooohhhhhhh!!!!!" when they appeared? You got it!

You want Hugh Jackman ripped beyond belief? You got it! For the last scene, anyway.

And speaking of last scenes, you want that traditional end-of-credits howler that Deadpool is famous for? Oh yeah, you got that too!

Who cares what the plot was? I don't! Who cares who the cameos are? I don't! Except that the Channing Tatum character is hilarious (he's the guy that can throw exploding playing cards at you, make sure you pay attention when he talks). Deadpool is so cool. He knows he can't die so he has no filter.

I look forward to watching this many more times in many varied states of altered mind. Let's give "Deadpool and Wolverine" 4.5 Gubernatorials out of 5 Gubernatorials. Gubernatorial!
 
Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F
July 30, 2024

And now we have the exact opposite of the hilarious one-liner spectrum. Ugh.

There's so much wrong with this thing. It's hard to know where to begin so I guess we'll begin at the beginning, because that's the only part of the movie in which the tepid plot is in any way believable.

Axel Foley is still a beat cop in Detroit and still loves his job. So much so that as he drives around in his '71 two-tone Chevy Nova, he laughs at all the minor law-breaking he sees. "You know, I could put you in jail for that!" "F%$@ you, Foley!" "HEH HEH HEH". Except...

Foley actually NEVER lets out his trademark laugh. He just smiles and lets the law-breakers continue breaking laws. This explains why he holds the street title of Best Loved Cop In Detroit.

However, this is not a title he holds with his fellow law enforcement officers. To wit: Foley takes a dweeb semi-rookie cop to a Detroit Red Wings hockey games. But not for the hockey. After some very weak "I can't like hockey because I'm black?" banter, Foley tells the dweeb that there's going to be a robbery and he's there to arrest some dude that he's supposed to stay away from. Hence, we have dweeb cop, who's going to get all the credit for the arrest of said dude.

Foley and the dweeb arrest the dude but then Foley sees two suspicious characters heading for the locker room. He follows them and we are not sure if this is the robbery Foley was talking about, but it IS a robbery. Foley tries one of his patented "What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here?" routines but the bad guys - now numbering three - don't fall for it.

A melee ensues and the bad guys flee with all the booty they'd taken from the players' stuff in the locker room. Foley and dweeb pursue, which I guess means the dude they came to arrest got away, but who cares? The bad guys have four-wheelers for their escape. Foley commandeers a snow plow for the pursuit.

The great thing about snow plows is the plow. Foley uses it to demolish two or three dozen cars - cop cars, civilian cars, it doesn't matter. He demolishes them all. But he does cause all three bandits to crash, and they are arrested. As per his original plan, Foley tells everyone that it was actually the dweeb cop who caught these bad guys.

No one buys it.

Foley gets called in to see the deputy chief, played as always by Paul Reiser. He alternately screams at Foley and tells Foley how much he loves him. But then he tells Foley, "Your lawyer daughter in Los Angeles took a case defending a guy charged with murdering a cop but then three guys in masks hooked her car up to a wrecker and dangled it out the sixth floor of a parking garage with her in it, and told her to drop her representation of the accused cop killer. You might oughta go to Los Angeles and see what's what. Also, I am retiring".

Foley goes to LA where he sees his daughter, who hates him because Foley made his wife and his daughter move from Detroit to Los Angeles when she was 12, on account of a murderous Detroit gang swearing to kill all people named Foley. Now, I would assume that Foley ultimately brought all the members of that gang to justice; I mean, he's still around isn't he? However, wife and daughter never made it back to Detroit. Foley's wife divorcing him might have had something to do with that.

Foley also gets a call from Billy (Judge Reinhold) but when he gets to LA, he can't get hold of Billy. He goes to check out Billy's office, where he finds it in the middle of being ransacked by a couple bad guys. Foley again employs the "Hey I'm supposed to be here with you guys!" stratagem, which works until a third guy comes in and says, "Who are you????" A chase ensues and Foley confiscates a meter maid's three-wheel buggy. He gets away but after causing $$$millions in damage, he gets arrested by the Beverly Hills PD.

Foley gets taken to the Beverly Hills Police Department, where he is placed under the care of Joseph Gordon-Levitt ("JGL" from now on). "Get Taggart!" screams Foley. "No!" screams JGL. "Also, your daughter and I used to date! She hates you!"

But Taggart - now the Beverly Hills Chief of Police because why not? - is gotten and all the details about Foley's daughter swinging from a cable, and Billy's disappearance, are discussed. Joining the discussion is Lt. Kevin Bacon, who you can tell immediately is the bad guy. Foley knows this because what police officer besides either Tango or Cash shows up in $2,000 Gucci shoes?

A bunch of rigamarole not worth regurgitating happen. It's what DOESN'T happen that will disappoint you.

Other than a useless cameo by Whatever Happened To Bronson Pinchot? as Serge The Token Gay Guy, there's no real allusions to the original film. Yeah sure - they used the exact same soundtrack. But how could there not be an "I ain't fallin' for no banana in no tail pipe" reprise?

There isn't, and there isn't anything else to make up for that. The jokes are not really funny; you'll wonder how in the world Foley lasted 40 years as a Detroit cop when it seems that he routinely destroys everything in his path; and was there a daughter in one of the other films or did they just make her up for this one? Near as I can tell, she was made up.

If you're going to make up characters 30 years after the fact, how about making up some jokes? Sadly, none of any substance were made up. What the screenwriters should have done was call up the Deadpool writers and ask, "Got any jokes left over? Eddie Murphy can deliver lines as well as Ryan Reynolds".

Not even Franchise Viagra f/k/a The Rock n/k/a Dwayne Johnson could save this franchise. I wish I could do more but the best I can do for "Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F" is 1 Whatever Happened To Bronson Pinchot? out of 5 Whatever Happened To Bronson Pinchot?s.
 
PEAKY BLINDERS WRAP-UP
July 31, 2024

Not enough killing; not enough whiskey drinking; but enough loose ends left so as to make the upcoming movie probably pretty dang good.

My advice: Watch the first 4 seasons and enjoy the tar out of them. Watch Season 5 while you're catching up on your taxes. Read Wikipedia to see what happens in Season 6. Then go all-in on the whiskey and enjoy orgasmic cinema delight when the movie comes out.

That's my plan!
 
TRAP
August 3, 2024

Hey - M. Night Shyamalan is back! Maybe some of you didn't know he'd left, but he did. Right after he released "The Village". Man, I'll never forget when the credits rolled on that one - me and about six other people said (exclaimed), "That's the END?! Really?!?!?!?!?!" And that was the end of M. Night Shyamalan, at least as far as good movies was concerned. Well, to be technically correct, the end of good movies came with "Signs", which was the movie BEFORE "The Village" and still holds up as one of the best movies of its type, ever.

Anyway, let's get back to the good news - M. Night Shyamalan is back!

"Trap" is a GREAT summer flick. Lots and lots and oodles of suspense. I'm not going to give away any spoilers but it won't hurt to know that the whole movie is about how the bad guy tries to get out of getting trapped. Maybe he does - I'll never tell!

"Trap" is about the hunt for The Butcher - a serial killer who apparently earned that name.

Josh Hartnett has taken his daughter to the concert of an extremely popular pop star - played very well by the daughter of M. Night Shyamalan, and I have to give her major props for that. It's almost a can't-win situation to be in - you got the job of playing a major character AND writing AND performing most all the songs in a movie probably because your dad made the movie. But Salkea Shyamalan did a very, very good job in all aspects.

So anyway, Hartnett notices there are about a million cops all around the arena where Lady Raven (Shyamalan) is playing. They're all looking for The Butcher. The suspense builds from there.

The movie never slows down. It's the kind of stuff I love, even if we're kind of rooting for the bad guy - throw a bunch of obstacles out there that can only be overcome with wits.

I can't really get into a whole lot more without giving away stuff I don't want to give away. Oh sure - I've ruined plenty of movies but they DESERVED ruination. This one? Nope! I ain't about to screw nothing up for you, because I love you!

Like I said, "Trap" is a great summer flick. Or actually I said it's a GREAT summer flick. It is! Depending on how you measure summer - by the Gregorian calendar or by the myriad Byzantine school starting dates across the world - just go see it before summer is over no matter how you define it.

"Trap" gets 4.5 Jealous Mothers out of 5 Jealous Mothers. There really is only 1 Jealous Mother but boy does she get hers!
 
HIT MAN
August 9, 2024

"Based on a true story". We know what that means, right?

It means there is some truth to the story but there is a whole lot of non-truth to the story. In this case though, it's not one of those "the-real-story-was-way-more-interesting" movies. That's because it takes the real story and then adds a bunch of stuff that's basically after the real story.

To wit: the real story is that Gary Johnson was a dude who worked with the Houston Police Department on murder-for-hire schemes. The cops would find someone wanting someone else killed, and Johnson would go in undercover as a hit man, get the unlucky dope to admit they wanted someone killed for money, and then step back while said unlucky dope was arrested and charged with solicitation of murder.

Johnson was really good, too - "was" because the real Gary Johnson passed away not long ago. While he was alive, he also taught some psychology classes - psychology was his passion and he wanted to be a college professor but didn't make the doctoral program at the University of Houston. He also came up with the code phrase used in both real life and in this movie. When a person wants to confirm that the guy sitting at the table eating pie is the potential hit man, that person asks, "Is the pie good?" and if the pie-eater answers, "All pie is good pie," then you've found your hit man!

All this tracks with the movie; in fact, it's a pretty accurate story until the love interest appears. One major difference is that in real life, Johnson didn't take anyone's place - he just created a position that the police needed. In the movie, this position was already filled by a rogue cop, but said rogue cop beat up some teenagers for some reason, was placed on leave, and was replaced by Johnson. And Johnson was so good at it that the rogue cop was in danger of losing his position as Fake Hit Man. He did not like this.

In real life, there WAS a young lady who approached Johnson, looking to have her abusive husband killed. Johnson researched her story, found out she really was the victim of horrible abuse, and got her steered to the proper social services programs. No boinking occurred.

But this is the movies and there are two things movies must have these days: (1) boinking; and (2) one and only one smoking scene. No one will EVER convince me that producers and actors aren't being paid to film a whole movie with no smoking in it whatsoever except for one 15-second scene where everyone takes one drag off a cancer stick for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Sadly, "Hit Man" is no different.

Anyway, Johnson boinks the abused wife, which leads to a relationship but it's OK because she's already filed for divorce. He's able to convince his fellow police officers that she'd changed her mind and thus was no longer a potential hit man employer.

And she wasn't. She much preferred boinking Johnson, who she knew as "Ron" and as far as she knew, was a real hit man.

They go out dancing one night and on the way out, who should they run into but her soon-to-be ex-husband, who is none to happy that another dude is stepping out with his wife, even though she won't be his wife much longer. The dude threatens Johnson and the woman but Johnson handles this by pulling out his gun and pointing it at the guy's face. Situation diffused!

Not long after that, Johnson is employed to trap a guy who wants his wife killed. Guess who that is!

Johnson sees his girlfriend's husband through the diner window and sits in the booth directly behind the dude. "No eye contact!" So the dude tells Johnson that he want his estranged wife killed and while he's at it, could Johnson also kill some asshole who's apparently boinking his wife?

Johnson taps the guy on the shoulder and says "I can do that". The dude turns around, sees that his hit man is the same guy boinking his wife, and poops his pants while running out of the diner screaming that he'll kill her himself. Well, he probably really didn't poop his pants but you never know!

Johnson warns his girlfriend that her almost-ex-husband knows the hit man he tried to hire to kill her is actually boinking her, leading everyone to figure that the dude really would try to kill whats-her-name.

So she handles the problem herself. Dude turns up dead, shot with the same kind of gun Johnson knows she has, and in the same manner that Johnson told her he liked to kill people - a shot to the heart. She admits to Johnson that yep - she offed him. And yet, for some odd reason she does not offer to go into the hitting business with him.

Johnson - who is probably as responsible for this guy's death as anyone - figures now is a good time to tell his paramour that guess what? I'm not really a hit man, I'm a cop!

You can guess how the woman reacted to that! Hugs and kisses all around!

Not really - she throws him out of the house. But there's one problem. That cop who Johnson replaced suspected something was rotten in Denmark, as he'd seen them together a couple weeks earlier and had been tailing them. So in the after-action meeting all the cops agree that the fact the husband had just taken out a $1 million life insurance policy kind of casts doubt on the story that he'd been killed in a drug deal gone bad, so that one cop who knows that Johnson is boinking the woman suggests Johnson interrogate her one more time and what could Johnson do but say "OK"?

Time for a confession of my own. For some reason I have an aversion to character names. It seems...immature to write a thousand or two witty words and refer to people as "Gary", ""Sally" or "Bartholomew". So usually I just refer to the actor or actress's name but in this movie, it's all a bunch of no-names except for Retta, who plays one of the surveillance cops. And she doesn't do enough to warrant any references. That means I'm gonna have to break down that fourth wall and...well, actually I'm going to have to take the initiative and find out what these character names are, so as to quit having to come up with clever ways to say "ex-husband" and "girlfriend" (but come on, admit that you didn't see "paramour" coming from me, did you?).

So - the girlfriend is Madison; the ex-husband is Ray; and the rogue cop is Jasper. I should have done this earlier but what can I say? Nothing, really.

Jasper figures he's got Gary in a corner but when Gary shows up at Madison's home, the cops don't know that Gary had spilled the beans about not really being a hit man. So he goes into Hit Man Mode with her, but holds up his phone with messages like "I'm wearing a wire"; "They're trying to trap you"; "Deny killing Ray"; and "How about some post-interrogation boinking?"

She goes along with it all and is off the hook.

Except Jasper is smart enough to know that secretive boinking = something to hide and in this case, it's murder.

So he shows up at Madison's place and tells Gary and Madison he knows what really happened, but for half of the $1 million life insurance proceeds, he'll keep his mouth shut. He's feeling pretty good about himself until he isn't - Madison roofied his beer with "drugs", and Jasper passes out. Seeing an opportunity, Gary covers Jasper's face with a plastic bag, letting Jasper slowly suffocate. But with the drugs in his system, and his well-know penchant for being a rogue, the cops will think it was an accidental overdose or perhaps a suicide.

CUT TO: five years later. Jasper has presumably been dead for five years; Ray has been dead for five years and a week; and Gary and Madison have been happily married long enough to have sired two children. One of them asks how mommy and daddy met. Gary smiles and says, "It was over some pie" to which Madison says, "All pie is good pie!"

And everyone lived happily ever after!

You will too, if you're OK with a cop getting away with one murder and successfully covering up another one. And that is this movie's biggest problem. Gary Johnson is a good guy; in fact, the ending title cards show several pictures of the real Gary Johnson and explain what a good guy he was. But good guys don't murder people! The movie Gary Johnson was also a really good guy, so it's hard to wrap your head around him suddenly being OK with murders. Other than that, and the one superfluous smoking scene, this is a fun movie.

It's clever and it's original. It's mostly deserving of a higher rating but because of the ending, I can only give it 3 Pieces Of Good Pie out of All Pie Is Good Pie.
 
JACKPOT! and MY SPY 2 - A Tale of Two Summer Movies
August 30, 2024

If these are the two movies of the summer, then we had a bad summer. Or did we? We'll find out!

They're both "comedies" but neither is funny. Each stars a GREAT action hero - John Cena in "CRACKPOT!" and Dave Bautista in "My Spy - Oh No, They Made a Sequel". But neither of these guys can save a bad plot. Well...maybe they can but they can't save a horrible plot.

Perhaps the problem is that I'm not the target audience for either movie. But who is? Maybe for "CRAPPOT!" the target audience is people who are stoned? And clearly, the target audience for "My Spy - Please Stop" are pre-teens. I guess we should be thankful that there is no genre aimed at pre-teens who are stoned, but give it time. If Hollywood would sell out dang near every movie to Big Tobacco, then can stoned pre-teens be far behind?

"SLAPPOT!" revolves around a really, REALLY dumb premise - there's a giant lottery in California and if you win it, you'll become a billionaire. However, you have to survive 24 hours before you can claim your $$$billions and during that 24 hours, it's legal to kill you. If someone DOES kill you, then they get the money. The only rule is that no guns are allowed, so you're probably going to get stabbed to death. Fun times!

Awkwafina (a name that has not stood up to the test of time because you and I both know most people read it hear a crow in their head screeching "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwk!!!!! wafina!!!!! "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwk!!!!! wafina!!!!!), anyway this is Awkwafina's best role ever. And I mean that. She's actually watchable! Too bad she chose a dumb film in which to actually wake up and act. She wins the lottery by accident and is now a target.

Enter John Cena, who plays a Former Super Soldier that will protect her for 10% of the dough.

A lot of stupid things happen, mostly revolving around people trying to stab Awkwafina but failing. Then it's over. The end.

"My Spy - I'm Running Out Of Clever Entendres So This Is the Last One" has an even dumber plot device - a 13-year-old girl is good enough to be a CIA Field Agent, whilst Dave Bautista has stopped being The Best Field Agent In The CIA's History in order to sit behind a desk and teach that 13-year-old girl how to ultimately be a CIA Field Agent.

The girl is, of course, now his step-daughter, as Bautista married the woman he saved in the first "My Spy" movie (which was pretty good, as you may recall). However, Mrs. Bautista is a doctor who volunteers for work in Africa, so we only see her once, in a Zoom call. This sets up both hilarity and conflict as Bautista finds out his step-daughter's zeal to become a CIA Field Agent is being replaced by her zeal to meet boys; but Bautista's zeal to train her to become a CIA Field Agent is as strong as ever.

What's a teen to do?

Get involved in an international conspiracy, of course. Plus, also find out that she's been lusting after the wrong boy, while the right boy has been in front of her the whole time. You can fill in the blanks.

I'll fill in the grades, which are the same for both movies - D.

While we're giving out grades, we should grade Summer 2024. I give it a "B". We had some real stinkers - these two movies, plus the two putrid movies that starred Ryan Gosling and Jake Gyllenhaal (don't know if I spelled that right, don't care). But we had Deadpool and also "Trap"! Two good summer movies don't make an A. but I'll go with a B because I guess I can thank "Roadhouse" and "The Fall Guy" for affirming my pledge to never ever watch another movie with either Gosling or Gyllenhaal in it.

So I've got that going for me, which is nice (name that movie!).
 
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REBEL RIDGE
September 6, 2024

Well, I'll be danged - it turns out summer wasn't quite over!

Aaaaaannnnnd here we have a movie that not only I liked, but so did all the other professional movie reviewers whose reviews I have read. Some of them even liked it for all the ass-kicking! (One of them spent all their space talking about the dichotomies and juxtapositions of actors who ran it up the flag pole, created a lot of synergy, and then circled back into a new paradigm. But then they concluded their review with a mention that some ass was kicked, so it's all good.)

"Rebel Ridge" is the tried-and-true story of the retired super soldier who is Pushed Too Far. In this case, the retired super soldier was a martial arts instructor for the Marine Corps, and he got Pushed Too Far by Don Johnson and his merry band of rotten small-town cops. In the process of being Pushed Too Far, the police find $36,000 in cash in his backpack. Terry - the retired super soldier - was on his way to pay $10K to bail out his cousin and then take said cousin and embark on an honest life of something or other, using the truck they were going to buy with the rest of the dough.

Now, the merry, rotten small-town cops that pulled over Terry - well, knocked him over really, as for some reason Terry didn't hear them come up behind him while pedaling his rad bicycle so they knocked him over with their car. Anyway, the two rotten small-town cops ask some loaded questions designed to trap Terry into saying "cash" and "drugs" in the same sentence, and Terry falls right into that trap. This gives the rotten small-town cops the ability to perform a civil forfeiture on account of saying the money was drug money. Terry was very good at super-soldiering but not quite as good at recognizing verbal traps.

And that's a big problem for Terry's cousin Mike because although Mike is in jail for a very minor pot possession charge, he absolutely cannot go to prison because apparently he ratted on a whole bunch of really bad dudes and those bad dudes got sent up the river, but not before making sure that every gang member in any prison knows that if they see Mike, they kill Mike.

Terry does not want that to happen.

Thus begins the Terry vs. Police Chief Don Johnson battle royale.

I could go on for another part or two describing all the scrapes and seeming dead-ends Terry is cornered into but why? Just fire up Netflix and watch this one. It's a great movie to end summer (if summer ever really ends).

"Rebel Ridge" is a 4 1/2 Last Action Movie Of The Summer out of 5 Last Action Movie Of The Summer. Or is it?

(The last action movie of the summer; it's surely a 4 1/2 flick!)
 
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Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)

I found the first film to be one of the best if not THE greatest origin stories ever. And it was such a great refreshing contrast to those flashy CGI overloaded Marvel and other superhero flicks, which are mostly all the same just with different hero names and costumes. Yawnnnnn..... but Joker five years ago was a wonderfully crafted DIFFERENT masterpiece.


Now part two comes along, also kinda "different".... and by now we all know how the public reacted, it basically broke the Internet and within minutes after the premiere all social media was flooded with billions of bad reviews, my Facebook feed became total trash and still is. However, I snoozed as much pages as I could and was able to avoid spoilers and saw it in cinema on the second day. Only thing I knew before, that I had to expect plenty of musical sequences. And while I understand this can be a turn off for some, me personally I just love the Great American Songbook and several oldschool musicals from the 50s and 60s, movies like High Society or My Fair Lady are deeply encoded in my DNA. So no problem for me on the music part, IF it is well done and smoothly incorporated into the movie. And it was.

I also was always kinda sceptical in the first place and would have prefered that Joker remained a standalone movie, and I had the feeling months ago that this would be subverting all our expectations. And it was.

Oh boy, yes, this truly was different....


But much more important.... this is another frigging great movie for fuck sake!!!
GO! SEE! IT!

No, we do NOT get a wild action flick or Joker running amok, killing plenty of people or fighting Batman and all that. THANK GOD cause there are already enough of those movies out there!
Instead we get a prison movie, a court room drama and a musical all mashed up into one. Wonderful!
Of course the acting of Joaquin Phoenix get's the biggest praise, but also the rest is done almost perfect. The lightning, the camera work, the settings, the whole atmosphere throughout the movie, so dense and scary, I just loved it.
The ending came as a shock of course... but did it ruin the movie? Not for me. Oh, and if you haven't watched it yet, during the final scene look in the background, cause something important might easily be missed...

The first Joker is still ahead, but for me part 2 is a very solid 8.5 out of 10 rating for now, with the possibility of upgrade after some rewatch, we'll see.
And maybe this will also get some recognition from critics or some audiences in years from know, I can not tell. For know I will just enjoy myself.


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THE WORLD'S FASTEST INDIAN
November 8, 2024

As the kids say - it's been a minute. About 95,000 of them, in act!

I don't know if the dearth of movies I've watched is due to time constraints, lack of content, or maybe I grew up. Who knows? Who cares? (We all know I have not grown up)

A neighbor and I were discussing motorcycles and he recommended "The World's Fastest Indian" so I watched it. It's a pretty good movie.

It's a "feel good" movie, to be precise. Anthony Hopkins stars as Burt Munro, a codger bent on making it out of his small New Zealand town and getting to the Bonneville Salt Flats, where he will set land speed records on his 1920 Indian motorcycle.

And so he does. There are a few obstacles thrown in his way but this isn't one of those "We gotta make the hero hit rock bottom for about 30 minutes so you feel better when s/he triumphs in the last two minutes" movies. Honestly, I hate those movies but I do understand you have to have SOME kind of conflict.

Whatever conflict Burt finds is solved pretty fast and very easily. You figure out early on that he's going to reach his goal. So, like always, I researched the real story. And, as is almost always the case, there were aspects of the real story that were more interesting than the movie.

In this case: (1) Munro had been taking pills for his angina for quite some time before making it to Bonneville; (2) there was no little smiling boy to be used as an apprentice; and (3) he hit 200 mph but it was on an unofficial run and was not entered into the record books. But the one that got me was that he is listed as a record-setter in 1967, hitting a 2-way average speed of 184.087. But not that the AMA would know - it was his son who noticed in 2014, 36 years after Burt's death, that there'd been a calculation error back in 1967 which under-reported Munro's speed?

Wait - what? His son decided for some reason 36 years after the fact to go back and check the math on his father's runs? THAT is the story I want to hear!

We don't get to hear that story but I have another one to tell you.

I've got a friend who's set many records at Bonneville. His specialty is the Street Roadster class and he runs a '32 Ford. He's hit 200 MPH in it (this year!) and that car has been driven by others at more than 260 MPH. Wow! Here's a picture of that car and the team:

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This year, my friend's team set a new record in the motorcycle class. They averaged 172.315 on a Triumph. Here it is:

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Interestingly, my friend also collects Indian motorcycles. I'm sure he's seen this movie. But I learned some stuff about Bonneville from him.

The most sobering thing is that all the racers have to wear jumpsuits and those jumpsuits have to have your blood type in great big letters on the front. That'll make you stop and think!

Here's a song by a great talent named Luba Dvorak. It's about my friend and his exploits at Bonneville. That's my buddy doing the lip-synching and yes - this IS his blood type on his racing suit!

 
FOR SOME REASON (A BAD ONE, OBVS), I WATCHED "YELLOWSTONE"
November 10, 2024 - a day that will live in infamy

Remember how cool "Yellowstone" used to be? It was! For one season! And that season is not THIS season or LAST season or even the SEASON BEFORE THAT.

But Taylor Sheridan and every single person who can put "I was on/worked on Yellowstone" on their resumé made a boatload of money. Bully for them! I only have one question:

Why did they quit trying?!?

To back up - we quit watching "Yellowstone" last season at the point where Rip made his wife and his father-in-law's squeeze kick each other in their private parts until one of them said "Uncle" or maybe "Aunt", considering it was two women fighting. "Yellowstone" had pretty much already jumped the shark but that scene was the straw that broke the back of every camel in our household.

That was about two years ago - I think I even made a post about it and if I cared enough, I'd go look it up. But I don't care enough. I don't care at all.

I'm sure that if you watch TV or access any kind of electronic media, you've been inundated with promos for "Yellowstone". We sure were. So, I thought, "Hey - maybe they've gotten past all the let's have women beat each other up stuff and got good again. Let's see!" Plus, my Favorite Mother-In-Law was also inundated with "Yellowstone" promos and made me watch it.

To get up to speed, we watched the last episode of the previous season. Kind of? Because last season was number five but this season is not number six. For reasons unbeknownst to any critical thinking human, last season was Season 5A and this season is Season 5B. That's so stupid that it sounds like something I would do.

Season 5A ended with Governor Kevin Costner teaming up with the Indians to oppose a pipeline someone wanted to build, said pipeline set to run underneath both the Indian ground and Governor Kevin Costner's ranch. Oh yeah - that reminds me of an old joke! Say it out loud in your best Italian accent as you read it, that will make it funnier:

Three Italian guys are arguing over which Italian woman would be the greatest lover in the world. The first guy said, "Sophia Loren! She is-ah the most beautiful woman in the world!" The second guy said, "Oh-a no! Gina Lollabrigada is-ah the finest female to ever grace the planet!" The third Italian man said, "You both wrong! The finest lover EVER is Virginia Pip-ah-LEE-nee!"

The other two men said, "Who is this-ah Virginia Pip-ah-LEE-nee?" The third guy says, "I don't-ah know but she must-ah be AMAZING!" To prove it, he held up a newspaper which had this headline:

FIVE DIE LAYING VIRGINIA PIPELINE

I'll show myself out...

... and then, after you're done groaning, we'll resume our critique of "Yellowstone". Where were we? That's right - we're at the end of part one!

***GREATEST SEGUE EVER***
 
"YELLOWSTONE" PART TWO. A HORRIBLE SHOW BUT IF WE'D ONLY BEEN ON IT, WE'D BE RICH NOW. THAT'S A SACRIFICE I WOULD HAVE MADE

Governor Kevin Costner also somehow killed the gigantic Billionaires Resort City that a billionaire company wanted to build for their fellow billionaires. Apparently in real life, that's pretty much what Montana has become. But on "Yellowstone", Governor Kevin Costner has beaten the billionaires - for now.

His step-son/adopted son/anything but actual natural son Jamie is the Attorney General and he is for both the Billionaire Resort City AND the pipeline. He figures selling the Yellowstone ranch to make way for both projects is the only way to preserve his family's wealth. He's certain that if the ranch is not sold, either the billionaire company or the government or even both will gain control of the ranch and screw the Duttons out of all their ranch money.

If you didn't know, "Dutton" is the last name of Governor Kevin Costner and all his kids. We pronounce it "DUH-uhn" because the billionaire company or the government or both have seemingly confiscated the hard "t" in many words and names. For instance, it's no longer "im-POR-tant"; it's "im-POR-AN". And so on. So it's DUH-uhn for us and now it is for you, too.

Jamie figures the only way to get his governor father out of the way is to have him impeached, convicted, and removed from office. As Attorney General, he can call for that, and he does. But before doing so, he boinks his girlfriend, who is NOT Virginia Pipeline but IS the attorney for the billionaire company. She has been sent to Montana to seduce Jamie into doing what the billionaires want, and she has been very successful at that.

She also convinces Jamie that maybe it'd be better if Governor Kevin Costner is taken care of, by which she means "killed". Jamie agrees but his agreement is skewed by post-boinking confusion and I think he didn't really know he'd just ordered his father's execution. Not even when his girlfriend told him she knew two companies - companies - that killed people for money, and that they could make it look like suicide or an accident. Jamie must have still been in post-boinking confusion.

Meanwhile - whew! - Governor Kevin Costner's daughter Beth is outraged at the call for impeachment that her brother has brought forth. So she storms into Jamie's house and tells him "I'm going to print pictures of you dumping the corpse of your real father - who I watched you murder - into that crevice in the middle of Nowhere, Montana!" Jamie laughs and says, "That crevice is what we call the Train Station. DUH-uhns have been dropping bodies down into it for years; hell, our dad has dropped more bodies into the Train Station than anyone. Turn me in and you're turning him in, too! Hahahahaha!"

Beth storms out.

She storms into her father's residence at the Governors Mansion and asks him, "What is this 'Train Station' I just heard about?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" (I did not exaggerate the punctuation there.) Governor Kevin Costner says, "People have been trying to steal our ranch for 100 years and we beat them every time. Guess what? Losers go to the Train Station!"

Beth is repulsed for about 1.349 milliseconds and then says, "Maybe that's where Jamie ought to go, too".

Incredibly, thankfully, that is the end of Season 5A and while no one knew it at the time, it was also the end of Governor Kevin Costner.

It's also the end of Part Two.

SECOND GREATEST SEGUE EVER
 
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"YELLOWSTONE" PART THREE, WHICH IS THREE PARTS TOO MANY BUT I FIGURED WE NEEDED SOME CONTENT ON THIS THREAD

Season 5B is a real shitshow, pardon my French. (I have now insulted the Italians and the French. I am the Al Bundy of this site.) But there actually is a little more to Season 5A to cover. Don't worry, this is the last Part because there ain't a whole lot to Episode 1 of Season 5B. It is, as us real Texans say, all hat and no cattle.

The whole series is, to be frank. When family members aren't trying to kill each other, the cowboys on their ranch are crying about how there aren't going to be any more cowboys, and being a cowboy is the greatest thing in the whole wide world. Wah. Wah. Wah.

Seriously - all the "cowboys" do is talk about what it's like to be a cowboy; how hard it is to be a cowboy; how sad it is to be the last cowboys; and pretty much anything else you can think of that makes being a cowboy the greatest thing/saddest thing anyone could ever be.

The Lead Cowboy is Rip, a dude who when not in prison, grew up on the Yellowstone Ranch and is both the ranch foreman and now married to Governor Kevin Costner's daughter Beth. Governor Kevin Costner likes Rip better than most of his own sons (he does like his son Kayce, a guy with a Real Cowboy Name who fought in Iraq and killed lots of people there but kind of lost his taste for killing when he got back to the Yellowstone and replaced that taste with a taste for always looking extremely pensive). The main reason Governor Kevin Costner likes Rip is that Rip is a Real Man who has no problem killing people and taking them to the Train Station on behalf of Governor Kevin Costner.

Some livestock disease went through Montana, and that caused Rip and most of the other cowboys to load up all their cattle and show horses, and drive them to the 6666 Ranch in west Texas. Along the way, Rip continues to show just what an asshole he really is.

For instance, the caravan stops to gas up somewhere along the way to Texas. A family with two small children asks Rip, "Are you a real cowboy?" At this point I might need to remind you what my name here is so that when I tell you that COWBOYS ARE ALL OVER THE FREAKING SOUTHWEST, you'll know that I am speaking from experience.

Rip lets the kids take a picture with one of the horses. Then a nice young couple politely asks Rip if they might snap a picture too. Rip tells them to go f%$^ themselves. Literally, he says "One picture is nice, two pictures is a f^%$ing photo booth so, go f^%& yourselves".

What a prick. I hope he dies soon, but he won't.

OK, we're all caught up on the travesty that was Season 5A and remember - I only watched one episode of Season 5A.

After Season 5A wrapped, Real Life Kevin Costner said, "I'm going to make my own mediocre cowboy movies. Peace, out!" Gee, with no Governor Kevin Costner now, what will "Yellowstone" do?

Kill him, of course. Season 5B starts off with the discovery of Governor Kevin Costner lying on his bathroom floor in a pool of blood, dead of a gunshot wound. Beth is distraught. Kayce is distraught. But Jamie is REALLY distraught because he knows it wasn't a suicide - his girlfriend really had contracted with a company to have Governor Kevin Costner killed, and they really DID make it look like a suicide. But how?

If you've watched enough crime shows, you know that faking a suicide is really hard and faking a suicide by gunshot is pretty much impossible. You have to have the victim actually fire the gun in order to get the right powder burns. How could they have made Governor Kevin Costner fire the gun? Is there some kind of drug they gave him that rendered him completely immobile? How did they even get in the Governors Mansion? How did they take out the "transponder" in order to cover their movements? How did they get out?

No one has read more crime novels than me. And I am calling shenanigans on this. Shenanigans, I say!

Not that Governor Kevin Costner isn't dead - I'm sure he's dead. But the murder was completely impossible and implausible.

Also implausible? This episode. Because you see, after the body of Governor Kevin Costner is found, most of the rest of the episode is a kind of flashback. A lot of the flashback shows the cowboys and their trip to Texas, where Rip is basically a Cowboy Asshole most of the time. The rest of the cowboys lament about how there won't be cowboys any more, except now they are lamenting about it on the plains of Texas instead of the mountains of Montana.

The other part of the flashback is the obligatory Scene Sponsored By Big Tobacco and in this case, it shows Beth smoking while serving her community service for some crime or another, picking up trash in the side of the road. Smoking is a giant no-no out there because discarded cigarette butts start most of the deadly wildfires in Montana. As we all know, smoking is good for absolutely nothing so naturally Beth smokes cigarettes until the sheriff tells her that he's tired of her smoking and his remedy is to release her from working on the side of the road.

Yeah, right.

Other boring stuff happens with Kayce, most of which revolves around him looking pensive.

Then, suddenly with no warning, we are back to the present. Beth is sure that Jamie is responsible for her father's death and that it was murder, not a suicide. She's right, of course, but if you're a smart cookie then you'll leave it right there.

I can think of no valid reason to recommend "Yellowstone", especially with Governor Kevin Costner now a corpse. Shucks, I even have a friend of a friend who's a cast member. Even though I've never met this guy - and probably never will - when he's on the screen I say, "Look! It's Ryan!" I kind of hope I never meet him because he'll probably ask me if I watch "Yellowstone" and what I think of it.

And I am a horrible liar.

So in the words of Real Life Kevin Costner, I say to "Yellowstone"...

...Peace, out.
 
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LOGAN LUCKY
November 13, 2024

I kind of feel like I've seen this? I'm not sure - as it was playing, I thought "Hey, this is pretty cool!" but then the next day I thought, "Seems like maybe I saw this a few years ago? It feels familiar".

That ever happen to you?

I'm going to pretend I've never seen this. Which is good - this is a very entertaining movie! And what a cast!

Channing Tatum. Dwight Yoakum. Adam Driver. Roy from "The Office". Gerry from "Parks and Recreation". Elvis's grand daughter Riley Keough. Hilary Swank. Katie Holmes. Seth MacFarlane. "And introducing Daniel Craig"?!? Oh yeah, that's the kind of humor I can get behind!

One Google reviewer - i.e. a real person, not a Certified Movie Reviewer like yours truly - said it almost as well as a Certified Movie Reviewer like myself could have said it: "(a) redneck spin on 'Oceans' 11'".

Please don't think that I'm losing my touch but this thing might should maybe oughta be watched without imbibing any adult beverages. I know - blasphemy! And actually, you CAN have some liquid refreshment, just as long as you aren't planning to remember all the stuff Channing Tatum gets away with. And it's a lot!

Fortunately, I have honed my Certified Movie Reviewing skillz to the point that no amount of Grown Up Grape Juice can impair my mental forensic abilities. That, and thank goodness for Wikipedia!

I'm not going to attempt to explain the plot. Not that it doesn't make sense, but I don't think I could do it without basically explaining the whole movie. You'd hate me if I did that, because I'm about to rate this thing and you're going to like it.

"Logan Lucky" gets 4.5 Fake Arms Supplemented By Really Good CGI out of 5 Fake Arms Supplemented By Really Good CGI. This is the kind of movie Adam Driver should make more of!
 
OMITB UPDATE!
November 17, 2024

It's the OMITB Finale! Did you watch it? Did you figure out who the killer was this season of OMITB?

Do you know what "OMITB" means?!?

"OMITB" - pronounced "Oh-MIT-bee" - is, of course, "Only Murders In The Building". but isn't OMITB so much more fun to say?!?

It is; in fact, it's more fun now to say OMITB than to watch OMITB. Sadly, OMITB is a victim of its own success.

In the beginning, the OMITB gag was fun - a murder in the building has occurred, and each episode is a head-fake designed to lead you into thinking Character A is the murderer, but only to find out that despite the circumstantial evidence, it was not Character A. Repeat that formula the next eight episodes, going through Characters B - H, and then ending up in Episode 10 to find out it was actually Character P, who you never suspected.

That worked GREAT in Season 1, pretty good in Season 2, wore thin in Season 3, and went off the rails in Season 4. If you haven't seen Season 4 of OMITB, let me tell you the best way to watch OMITB, Season 4:

Watch Episode 1, the last half of episode 9, and all of Episode 10. That's all you need.

Proof? We were always forgetting which episode we'd watched last and after three times of watching the wrong episode, we realized that it didn't matter what episode we watched. They were all going to be the same - a misdirection that ultimately meant nothing.

But I know how to fix OMITB!

Make it a 4-episode arc. Maybe stretch each episode to a full hour. Do that, and you'll have an OMITB that will keep your attention and make you anticipate the next episode. If Messrs Martin and Short, along with Ms. Gomez, want to keep it a 10-episode season, then I'd say get rid of the misdirection. Also, explain how it is that three podcasters have solved four murders now without any help from the cops, whose job it is to solve murders like this.

That is all.
 
BROTHERS
Also November 17, 2024

As proof that it doesn't matter which episode of OMITB you tune in to, I give you our night last night. As you can tell by my witty dateline above, we watched two things in one night!

This was because we didn't realize we'd already seen Episode 9 of OMITB, which meant that we only had one episode of OMITB to watch, which gave us time to watch a movie after the OMITB finale.

It also meant I had time to drink what was I guess enough wine to lead me to a nap.

Said nap was in the middle of "Brothers" and sadly, said nap was only 10 minutes long. An 80-minute nap would have been way better.

"Brothers" is...who knows? It's not a comedy - there are literally no jokes in it at all. It's not a caper movie, even if most of the movie revolves around finding stuff that the brothers' mom and uncle stole during a caper 20+ years ago.

It's just not any kind of definable movie at all, except to say it's an un-entertaining movie.

"Brothers" stars Josh Brolin and Peter Dinklage as twin brothers. Their mom is a professional thief, pulling heists with the boys' uncle, who I guess is the mother's brother.

The only notable thing about this is that Josh Brolin is almost the spitting image of two guys I know. In fact, what he really looks like is a combination of these two guys. It's uncanny but since you don't know these two guys I'll quit talking about it now except to say that's the only thing that held my attention while I was awake.

The only semi-notable thing about this is that Jennifer Landon played the young version of their mom. First of all - yes, she is Michael Landon's daughter. Second of all, also yes she is Teeter on "Yellowstone". Of all the over-the-top, shark-jumping characters on "Yellowstone", Teeter is over more tops and has jumped more sharks than anyone else. She's the only thing worth watching on "Yellowstone".

"Brothers" has almost as many 1-star ratings as it does 5-star ratings, which means Google gives is a 3.4 out of 5. Not me!

I'm solidly in the 1-star camp, although I have to say "Brothers" did make the OMITB finale seem Emmy-worthy in comparison.
 
POUR ONE OUT FOR "YELLOWSTONE"
Declared dead December 15, 2024

According to the internet news site I read, "Yellowstone" ended last night. I wouldn't know.

But I did read the article in order to see who died. Hopefully, all of them.

In reality, only the smarmy adopted son Jamie bit the dust. Perpetually grim and pensive Kayce (still don't know if it's pronounced "Case" or "Casey") sold the Dutton ranch back to the Indians for the same price great grandfather Dutton had bought it for 150 years ago - something like $1.25 an acre. What - no accounting for inflation?

That idiot cost his family about $49 an acre because $1.25 in 1850 is worth $50.76 today. The imaginary Dutton ranch was 2,500 acres, meaning Kayce left $123,775 on the table - a mere pittance but it could have kept Beth in Marlboros until the inevitable bout with cancer.

Sorry, that was dark. But it was still more light-hearted than anything I ever saw on "Yellowstone".

Oh well. Rest in peace, stupid show.
 
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CARRY ON
December 14, 2024

One of the great debates of our time is whether or not "Die Hard" is a Christmas movie.

But that's really no debate at all.

Of COURSE "Die Hard" is a Christmas movie. Let's break it down.

Fools who say "Die Hard" can't be a Christmas movie because "it wasn't released during Christmas!!!11!1!!!1!!!11!!!!!!!!" are fools. You don't have to be released during Christmas to be a Christmas movie and that's proven by the inverse - just because your movie was released during the Christmas season doesn't mean it's a Christmas movie.

Does anyone consider "Star Wars Episode VII"; "Spider Man: No Way Home"; "Avatar"; "Avatar - Another Avatar Movie"; "Titanic"; "American Sniper" or about six more Star Wars movies Christmas movies? No, you do not. And yet, these are the most successful movies ever released during the month of December. (NOTE: I have never seen any of those movies but I don't have to in order to know they are not set during Christmas). (NOTE: Except maybe "American Sniper"? I can see how that one might be set during Christmas but again, I haven't seen it and am assuming there is no underlying Christmas theme in "America Sniper"). (NOTE: How surprised are you that I've never seen "American Sniper"? I'm kind of surprised myself).

"It's a Wonderful Life" (another movie I've never seen) was released on December 20th but the next most highly-regarded Christmas movie, "Love Actually" was released right after Halloween and no one calls it a Halloween movie or a Day of the Dead Movie or a Thanksgiving movie, do they?

All a movie has to do to be a Christmas movie is be set during Christmas. That's it. That's the definition of a "Christmas movie". I have said so and remember - I am a Certified Movie Reviewer.

"Die Hard" was set during Christmas; ergo, it is a Christmas movie.

"Carry On" is also set during Christmas and it has been released during Christmas, so there you go.

It's a Christmas movie that is trying to be the "Die Hard" of Christmas movies without realizing we already have the "Die Hard" of Christmas movies and that movie is "Die Hard".

"Carry On" follows the adventures of some TSA dude who's all bummed out he wasn't accepted into the LAPD Academy and so took a job at LAX because that's where his wife works.

A series of stuff involving Jason Bateman - who is great in this movie - places said dude in a precarious position whereby he has to let a carry on bag make it through the TSA screening and onto a flight, or his wife gets killed.

Making it hard is the fact that Bateman and his little gang of cohorts - one cohort, now that I think of it - have everything tapped, bugged, surveilled, or otherwise known to them, so the TSA dude has little to no chance to freelance.

At this point you need to turn off your brain and enjoy the freelancing the dude ultimately gets to perform. It's semi-imaginative free-lancing.

I'll cut to the chase - if you have illiterate friends who say "'Die Hard' isn't a Christmas movie!!!1!1!!111!!!!!" then show them "Carry On". It's basically "Die Hard" and it is undoubtedly a Christmas movie.

"Carry On" is better than you might think; that is, if you ask me and don't ask Mrs. RodeoSchro. She thought this thing was the height of stupidity but I said, "What the Sam Hill do you think I post on the internet except the height of stupidity?!?" So I'm giving "Carry On" 3 1/2...stars? I seriously can't think of a clever rating device because there really wasn't anything clever to this movie. But it's still pretty good.
 
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A CHRISTMAS MOVIE RECAP PLUS ALSO A BAD NETFLIX SERIES
December 25, 2024

I do not know what this means but for the last week, I've already been referring to the year as "2025". Am I anxious or what? Probably because I am positive that 2025 is going to be the year to beat all years. For me, for you - for all of us! I don't know why or how I know this but I do know it. So let's end 2024's movie reviews with some good ones, plus a complete failure from Netflix.

Which do you want first - the good stuff or the bomb? Ha! Of course I'm saving the bomb for last.

The good stuff are Christmas movies. We've all seen them, we've all...wait. Maybe we HAVEN'T all seen them.

Let's start with "Die Hard" and as usual, we will brook no discussion about whether or not "Die Hard" is a Christmas movie. It is and I have the research to back this up:

Well, I was going to post an article that scientifically, analytically proves my point but it's pretty long. So (hopefully) here's a link to it, peruse it at your leisure:
One of my rodeo committee had a meeting ten days ago and along with it they had an Ugly Christmas Sweater competition. I made this sweater and was certain I was going to win:

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Not only did I NOT win, I was disqualified from the competition because almost no one knew what I was. All the young hipsters thought I was a terrorist. OK, I was a terrorist but I was a dead terrorist killed by the hero of one of the greatest movies of all time, Christmas or not.

I weep for the youth of our nation.

Anyway, a week later Mrs. RodeoSchro and my Favorite Mother-In-Law went to a one-man recreation of "Die Hard" called "Yippe Ki Yay". Everyone there knew about that sweater; one guy was even wearing it!

And OH MY GOSH the Daily Mail has just posted the plot of "Die Hard" as a developing news story. You have GOT to see this!


No surprise, "Die Hard" gets Five Hans Grubers Falling Out Of Nakatomi Plaza out of Five Hans Grubers Falling Out Of Nakatomi Plaza.

"A Christmas Story" is playing all day, on two channels no less. Another five-star movie and the more I watch it, the more I think Darren McGavin may have given the best performance any actor has ever given in any role. PERFECTION.

Finally, "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation". Sadly, stories always seem to pop up about how tough it was/is to work with Chevy Chase. Maybe they're true, maybe not, maybe some of it is true. I don't know but what I do know is that Clark Griswold is a likable character. I think the best line of the whole movie is when one of Clark's co-workers says, "You are the last family man in America".

He is! Family man! That's exactly what Clark Griswold is! Kudos to Chevy Chase - whatever else people say about him, he sure made Clark Griswold a national treasure.

Maybe national treasures are different across the pond, because now we come to Kiera Knightly and the dreadful "Black Cows". Wait - that's the name of a great Steely Dan song. What was this thing again?

Black Crowes? No, that's a rock band. Black Diamonds? Nope, those are the hardest ski runs. Hmmmm...

Black Doves! And yes, I had to Google it. You can probably tell that I've already spent some fight time in my mind. It goes like this:

Left side of brain: For crying out loud, erase all this poppycock and let's get back to analyzing hotel pro formas.

Right side of brain: I agree in part but we have to wait until our operator writes his brilliant take-down of this monstrosity.

Left side of brain: I don't know that I can wait that long. What happens to our occupancy rate if we raise room rates by $10 a room?

Right side of brain: What are you asking me for? You know that I work mainly in the Bells and Whistles Department.

Left side of brain: Oh yeah. Well, we can't go on like this. We've got to get RodeoSchro off his butt. It's going to take both of us.

Right side of brain: You're right. Initiating Last Resort Protocol in 3...2...

Both sides of brain: Hey idiot! Either write your sophomoric take on "Black Doves" or we're going to fill your brain with nothing but scenes from "War Horse"!

I capitulated. No one wants to re-live "War Horse".

END OF PART ONE AND COMPLETE AND TOTAL END OF ANYTHING RELATED TO "WAR HORSE"
 

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