Wait - I *haven't* started a 2024 Movies thread? Well, I have now!

[RodeoSchro]

A PEAKY BLINDERS UPDATE!
The day after I watched "Snack Shack", which is a date that I have successfully erased from my memory - along with everything else that happened on that date

Since the world is seemingly devoid of written entertainment, sometimes I re-read all the posts I've made in this thread. I might not have much going for me but I can and do entertain myself. And also, sometimes I can and do forget what I wrote.

Case in point - "Peaky Blinders". I noticed that I gave it a less-than-glowing summation after only one episode.

Have I told you lately how much I love Mrs. RodeoSchro? I haven't? I love her a lot! For many and varied good reasons but not the least of which is she insisted we watch another episode of "Peaky Blinders". We did, and I got hooked!

We are now almost through Season 4 of 6 and a cool thing about these seasons is that they only have 6 episodes each. So, Tommy Shelby and his mates can lay waste to various shady organizations rather quickly. In Season 4. he's currently tangling with the incredible Adrian Brodie, who represents The Mafia. And you know what? The Mafia kind of deserves to win, what with Tommy Shelby having been responsible for the death of Brodie's dad. But then again, Brodie's dad did kill Tommy Shelby's wife, even though it was an accident as he was trying to kill Tommy Shelby and Tommy Shelby's wife got in the way of a bullet. But then again, Brodie's dad was trying to kill Tommy Shelby because Tommy Shelby's brother had Peaky Blindered Adrian Brodie for the sin of Brodie trying to date a Shelby woman.

But let's talk about the elephant in the room. Smoking. Man, there's a lot of it. That's all Tommy Shelby does, except when he's killing someone. As much as I hate to give smoking a pass, I do understand that in the 1920's, everyone smoked - especially dudes who'd seen the horrors of war that Tommy Shelby and his Peaky Blinders had seen in WWI. And Cillian Murphy has come out and said smoking is bad and he hopes he never has to smoke any more fake/clove cigarettes, what with having smoked about 3,000 of them for "Peaky Blinders" and about 1,000 more as Oppenheimer in "Oppenheimer".

Bad news, Cillian - it appears there's going to be a "Peaky Blinders" movie so I guess you have a few more packs of fake smokes to burn through.

Be that as it may, the acting by all the characters throughout this series has been absolutely fantastic. In addition to Murphy and Brodie, Sam Neill and Tom Hardy have been award-worthy.

That's all for now. Gotta go finish Season 4!

 

[RodeoSchro]

LONGLEGS
July 20, 2024

Murder. Mayhem. FBI agents. Serial killings. Satanism. Nockels Cage.

Go see it.

Four Algorithms out of Five Algorithms. BTW, "Algorithms" does not have the proper amount of vowels, does it?

 

[RodeoSchro]

DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G
July 28, 2024

This is a great Deadpool movie, which is to say that I had no idea what the heck it's about, but Ryan Reynolds spit out racy one-liners almost non-stop.

I ask you - what more could you want in a movie?

Oh, you want blood? You got it!

You want cameos of people that I had no idea who they were, but everyone else in the Imax theater went "Oooooooooohhhhhhh!!!!!" when they appeared? You got it!

You want Hugh Jackman ripped beyond belief? You got it! For the last scene, anyway.

And speaking of last scenes, you want that traditional end-of-credits howler that Deadpool is famous for? Oh yeah, you got that too!

Who cares what the plot was? I don't! Who cares who the cameos are? I don't! Except that the Channing Tatum character is hilarious (he's the guy that can throw exploding playing cards at you, make sure you pay attention when he talks). Deadpool is so cool. He knows he can't die so he has no filter.

I look forward to watching this many more times in many varied states of altered mind. Let's give "Deadpool and Wolverine" 4.5 Gubernatorials out of 5 Gubernatorials. Gubernatorial!

 

[RodeoSchro]

Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F
July 30, 2024

And now we have the exact opposite of the hilarious one-liner spectrum. Ugh.

There's so much wrong with this thing. It's hard to know where to begin so I guess we'll begin at the beginning, because that's the only part of the movie in which the tepid plot is in any way believable.

Axel Foley is still a beat cop in Detroit and still loves his job. So much so that as he drives around in his '71 two-tone Chevy Nova, he laughs at all the minor law-breaking he sees. "You know, I could put you in jail for that!" "F%$@ you, Foley!" "HEH HEH HEH". Except...

Foley actually NEVER lets out his trademark laugh. He just smiles and lets the law-breakers continue breaking laws. This explains why he holds the street title of Best Loved Cop In Detroit.

However, this is not a title he holds with his fellow law enforcement officers. To wit: Foley takes a dweeb semi-rookie cop to a Detroit Red Wings hockey games. But not for the hockey. After some very weak "I can't like hockey because I'm black?" banter, Foley tells the dweeb that there's going to be a robbery and he's there to arrest some dude that he's supposed to stay away from. Hence, we have dweeb cop, who's going to get all the credit for the arrest of said dude.

Foley and the dweeb arrest the dude but then Foley sees two suspicious characters heading for the locker room. He follows them and we are not sure if this is the robbery Foley was talking about, but it IS a robbery. Foley tries one of his patented "What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here?" routines but the bad guys - now numbering three - don't fall for it.

A melee ensues and the bad guys flee with all the booty they'd taken from the players' stuff in the locker room. Foley and dweeb pursue, which I guess means the dude they came to arrest got away, but who cares? The bad guys have four-wheelers for their escape. Foley commandeers a snow plow for the pursuit.

The great thing about snow plows is the plow. Foley uses it to demolish two or three dozen cars - cop cars, civilian cars, it doesn't matter. He demolishes them all. But he does cause all three bandits to crash, and they are arrested. As per his original plan, Foley tells everyone that it was actually the dweeb cop who caught these bad guys.

No one buys it.

Foley gets called in to see the deputy chief, played as always by Paul Reiser. He alternately screams at Foley and tells Foley how much he loves him. But then he tells Foley, "Your lawyer daughter in Los Angeles took a case defending a guy charged with murdering a cop but then three guys in masks hooked her car up to a wrecker and dangled it out the sixth floor of a parking garage with her in it, and told her to drop her representation of the accused cop killer. You might oughta go to Los Angeles and see what's what. Also, I am retiring".

Foley goes to LA where he sees his daughter, who hates him because Foley made his wife and his daughter move from Detroit to Los Angeles when she was 12, on account of a murderous Detroit gang swearing to kill all people named Foley. Now, I would assume that Foley ultimately brought all the members of that gang to justice; I mean, he's still around isn't he? However, wife and daughter never made it back to Detroit. Foley's wife divorcing him might have had something to do with that.

Foley also gets a call from Billy (Judge Reinhold) but when he gets to LA, he can't get hold of Billy. He goes to check out Billy's office, where he finds it in the middle of being ransacked by a couple bad guys. Foley again employs the "Hey I'm supposed to be here with you guys!" stratagem, which works until a third guy comes in and says, "Who are you????" A chase ensues and Foley confiscates a meter maid's three-wheel buggy. He gets away but after causing $$$millions in damage, he gets arrested by the Beverly Hills PD.

Foley gets taken to the Beverly Hills Police Department, where he is placed under the care of Joseph Gordon-Levitt ("JGL" from now on). "Get Taggart!" screams Foley. "No!" screams JGL. "Also, your daughter and I used to date! She hates you!"

But Taggart - now the Beverly Hills Chief of Police because why not? - is gotten and all the details about Foley's daughter swinging from a cable, and Billy's disappearance, are discussed. Joining the discussion is Lt. Kevin Bacon, who you can tell immediately is the bad guy. Foley knows this because what police officer besides either Tango or Cash shows up in $2,000 Gucci shoes?

A bunch of rigamarole not worth regurgitating happen. It's what DOESN'T happen that will disappoint you.

Other than a useless cameo by Whatever Happened To Bronson Pinchot? as Serge The Token Gay Guy, there's no real allusions to the original film. Yeah sure - they used the exact same soundtrack. But how could there not be an "I ain't fallin' for no banana in no tail pipe" reprise?

There isn't, and there isn't anything else to make up for that. The jokes are not really funny; you'll wonder how in the world Foley lasted 40 years as a Detroit cop when it seems that he routinely destroys everything in his path; and was there a daughter in one of the other films or did they just make her up for this one? Near as I can tell, she was made up.

If you're going to make up characters 30 years after the fact, how about making up some jokes? Sadly, none of any substance were made up. What the screenwriters should have done was call up the Deadpool writers and ask, "Got any jokes left over? Eddie Murphy can deliver lines as well as Ryan Reynolds".

Not even Franchise Viagra f/k/a The Rock n/k/a Dwayne Johnson could save this franchise. I wish I could do more but the best I can do for "Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F" is 1 Whatever Happened To Bronson Pinchot? out of 5 Whatever Happened To Bronson Pinchot?s.

 

[RodeoSchro]

PEAKY BLINDERS WRAP-UP
July 31, 2024

Not enough killing; not enough whiskey drinking; but enough loose ends left so as to make the upcoming movie probably pretty dang good.

My advice: Watch the first 4 seasons and enjoy the tar out of them. Watch Season 5 while you're catching up on your taxes. Read Wikipedia to see what happens in Season 6. Then go all-in on the whiskey and enjoy orgasmic cinema delight when the movie comes out.

That's my plan!

 

[RodeoSchro]

TRAP
August 3, 2024

Hey - M. Night Shyamalan is back! Maybe some of you didn't know he'd left, but he did. Right after he released "The Village". Man, I'll never forget when the credits rolled on that one - me and about six other people said (exclaimed), "That's the END?! Really?!?!?!?!?!" And that was the end of M. Night Shyamalan, at least as far as good movies was concerned. Well, to be technically correct, the end of good movies came with "Signs", which was the movie BEFORE "The Village" and still holds up as one of the best movies of its type, ever.

Anyway, let's get back to the good news - M. Night Shyamalan is back!

"Trap" is a GREAT summer flick. Lots and lots and oodles of suspense. I'm not going to give away any spoilers but it won't hurt to know that the whole movie is about how the bad guy tries to get out of getting trapped. Maybe he does - I'll never tell!

"Trap" is about the hunt for The Butcher - a serial killer who apparently earned that name.

Josh Hartnett has taken his daughter to the concert of an extremely popular pop star - played very well by the daughter of M. Night Shyamalan, and I have to give her major props for that. It's almost a can't-win situation to be in - you got the job of playing a major character AND writing AND performing most all the songs in a movie probably because your dad made the movie. But Salkea Shyamalan did a very, very good job in all aspects.

So anyway, Hartnett notices there are about a million cops all around the arena where Lady Raven (Shyamalan) is playing. They're all looking for The Butcher. The suspense builds from there.

The movie never slows down. It's the kind of stuff I love, even if we're kind of rooting for the bad guy - throw a bunch of obstacles out there that can only be overcome with wits.

I can't really get into a whole lot more without giving away stuff I don't want to give away. Oh sure - I've ruined plenty of movies but they DESERVED ruination. This one? Nope! I ain't about to screw nothing up for you, because I love you!

Like I said, "Trap" is a great summer flick. Or actually I said it's a GREAT summer flick. It is! Depending on how you measure summer - by the Gregorian calendar or by the myriad Byzantine school starting dates across the world - just go see it before summer is over no matter how you define it.

"Trap" gets 4.5 Jealous Mothers out of 5 Jealous Mothers. There really is only 1 Jealous Mother but boy does she get hers!

 

[RodeoSchro]

HIT MAN
August 9, 2024

"Based on a true story". We know what that means, right?

It means there is some truth to the story but there is a whole lot of non-truth to the story. In this case though, it's not one of those "the-real-story-was-way-more-interesting" movies. That's because it takes the real story and then adds a bunch of stuff that's basically after the real story.

To wit: the real story is that Gary Johnson was a dude who worked with the Houston Police Department on murder-for-hire schemes. The cops would find someone wanting someone else killed, and Johnson would go in undercover as a hit man, get the unlucky dope to admit they wanted someone killed for money, and then step back while said unlucky dope was arrested and charged with solicitation of murder.

Johnson was really good, too - "was" because the real Gary Johnson passed away not long ago. While he was alive, he also taught some psychology classes - psychology was his passion and he wanted to be a college professor but didn't make the doctoral program at the University of Houston. He also came up with the code phrase used in both real life and in this movie. When a person wants to confirm that the guy sitting at the table eating pie is the potential hit man, that person asks, "Is the pie good?" and if the pie-eater answers, "All pie is good pie," then you've found your hit man!

All this tracks with the movie; in fact, it's a pretty accurate story until the love interest appears. One major difference is that in real life, Johnson didn't take anyone's place - he just created a position that the police needed. In the movie, this position was already filled by a rogue cop, but said rogue cop beat up some teenagers for some reason, was placed on leave, and was replaced by Johnson. And Johnson was so good at it that the rogue cop was in danger of losing his position as Fake Hit Man. He did not like this.

In real life, there WAS a young lady who approached Johnson, looking to have her abusive husband killed. Johnson researched her story, found out she really was the victim of horrible abuse, and got her steered to the proper social services programs. No boinking occurred.

But this is the movies and there are two things movies must have these days: (1) boinking; and (2) one and only one smoking scene. No one will EVER convince me that producers and actors aren't being paid to film a whole movie with no smoking in it whatsoever except for one 15-second scene where everyone takes one drag off a cancer stick for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Sadly, "Hit Man" is no different.

Anyway, Johnson boinks the abused wife, which leads to a relationship but it's OK because she's already filed for divorce. He's able to convince his fellow police officers that she'd changed her mind and thus was no longer a potential hit man employer.

And she wasn't. She much preferred boinking Johnson, who she knew as "Ron" and as far as she knew, was a real hit man.

They go out dancing one night and on the way out, who should they run into but her soon-to-be ex-husband, who is none to happy that another dude is stepping out with his wife, even though she won't be his wife much longer. The dude threatens Johnson and the woman but Johnson handles this by pulling out his gun and pointing it at the guy's face. Situation diffused!

Not long after that, Johnson is employed to trap a guy who wants his wife killed. Guess who that is!

Johnson sees his girlfriend's husband through the diner window and sits in the booth directly behind the dude. "No eye contact!" So the dude tells Johnson that he want his estranged wife killed and while he's at it, could Johnson also kill some asshole who's apparently boinking his wife?

Johnson taps the guy on the shoulder and says "I can do that". The dude turns around, sees that his hit man is the same guy boinking his wife, and poops his pants while running out of the diner screaming that he'll kill her himself. Well, he probably really didn't poop his pants but you never know!

Johnson warns his girlfriend that her almost-ex-husband knows the hit man he tried to hire to kill her is actually boinking her, leading everyone to figure that the dude really would try to kill whats-her-name.

So she handles the problem herself. Dude turns up dead, shot with the same kind of gun Johnson knows she has, and in the same manner that Johnson told her he liked to kill people - a shot to the heart. She admits to Johnson that yep - she offed him. And yet, for some odd reason she does not offer to go into the hitting business with him.

Johnson - who is probably as responsible for this guy's death as anyone - figures now is a good time to tell his paramour that guess what? I'm not really a hit man, I'm a cop!

You can guess how the woman reacted to that! Hugs and kisses all around!

Not really - she throws him out of the house. But there's one problem. That cop who Johnson replaced suspected something was rotten in Denmark, as he'd seen them together a couple weeks earlier and had been tailing them. So in the after-action meeting all the cops agree that the fact the husband had just taken out a $1 million life insurance policy kind of casts doubt on the story that he'd been killed in a drug deal gone bad, so that one cop who knows that Johnson is boinking the woman suggests Johnson interrogate her one more time and what could Johnson do but say "OK"?

Time for a confession of my own. For some reason I have an aversion to character names. It seems...immature to write a thousand or two witty words and refer to people as "Gary", ""Sally" or "Bartholomew". So usually I just refer to the actor or actress's name but in this movie, it's all a bunch of no-names except for Retta, who plays one of the surveillance cops. And she doesn't do enough to warrant any references. That means I'm gonna have to break down that fourth wall and...well, actually I'm going to have to take the initiative and find out what these character names are, so as to quit having to come up with clever ways to say "ex-husband" and "girlfriend" (but come on, admit that you didn't see "paramour" coming from me, did you?).

So - the girlfriend is Madison; the ex-husband is Ray; and the rogue cop is Jasper. I should have done this earlier but what can I say? Nothing, really.

Jasper figures he's got Gary in a corner but when Gary shows up at Madison's home, the cops don't know that Gary had spilled the beans about not really being a hit man. So he goes into Hit Man Mode with her, but holds up his phone with messages like "I'm wearing a wire"; "They're trying to trap you"; "Deny killing Ray"; and "How about some post-interrogation boinking?"

She goes along with it all and is off the hook.

Except Jasper is smart enough to know that secretive boinking = something to hide and in this case, it's murder.

So he shows up at Madison's place and tells Gary and Madison he knows what really happened, but for half of the $1 million life insurance proceeds, he'll keep his mouth shut. He's feeling pretty good about himself until he isn't - Madison roofied his beer with "drugs", and Jasper passes out. Seeing an opportunity, Gary covers Jasper's face with a plastic bag, letting Jasper slowly suffocate. But with the drugs in his system, and his well-know penchant for being a rogue, the cops will think it was an accidental overdose or perhaps a suicide.

CUT TO: five years later. Jasper has presumably been dead for five years; Ray has been dead for five years and a week; and Gary and Madison have been happily married long enough to have sired two children. One of them asks how mommy and daddy met. Gary smiles and says, "It was over some pie" to which Madison says, "All pie is good pie!"

And everyone lived happily ever after!

You will too, if you're OK with a cop getting away with one murder and successfully covering up another one. And that is this movie's biggest problem. Gary Johnson is a good guy; in fact, the ending title cards show several pictures of the real Gary Johnson and explain what a good guy he was. But good guys don't murder people! The movie Gary Johnson was also a really good guy, so it's hard to wrap your head around him suddenly being OK with murders. Other than that, and the one superfluous smoking scene, this is a fun movie.

It's clever and it's original. It's mostly deserving of a higher rating but because of the ending, I can only give it 3 Pieces Of Good Pie out of All Pie Is Good Pie.

 

[RodeoSchro]

JACKPOT! and MY SPY 2 - A Tale of Two Summer Movies
August 30, 2024

If these are the two movies of the summer, then we had a bad summer. Or did we? We'll find out!

They're both "comedies" but neither is funny. Each stars a GREAT action hero - John Cena in "CRACKPOT!" and Dave Bautista in "My Spy - Oh No, They Made a Sequel". But neither of these guys can save a bad plot. Well...maybe they can but they can't save a horrible plot.

Perhaps the problem is that I'm not the target audience for either movie. But who is? Maybe for "CRAPPOT!" the target audience is people who are stoned? And clearly, the target audience for "My Spy - Please Stop" are pre-teens. I guess we should be thankful that there is no genre aimed at pre-teens who are stoned, but give it time. If Hollywood would sell out dang near every movie to Big Tobacco, then can stoned pre-teens be far behind?

"SLAPPOT!" revolves around a really, REALLY dumb premise - there's a giant lottery in California and if you win it, you'll become a billionaire. However, you have to survive 24 hours before you can claim your $$$billions and during that 24 hours, it's legal to kill you. If someone DOES kill you, then they get the money. The only rule is that no guns are allowed, so you're probably going to get stabbed to death. Fun times!

Awkwafina (a name that has not stood up to the test of time because you and I both know most people read it hear a crow in their head screeching "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwk!!!!! wafina!!!!! "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwk!!!!! wafina!!!!!), anyway this is Awkwafina's best role ever. And I mean that. She's actually watchable! Too bad she chose a dumb film in which to actually wake up and act. She wins the lottery by accident and is now a target.

Enter John Cena, who plays a Former Super Soldier that will protect her for 10% of the dough.

A lot of stupid things happen, mostly revolving around people trying to stab Awkwafina but failing. Then it's over. The end.

"My Spy - I'm Running Out Of Clever Entendres So This Is the Last One" has an even dumber plot device - a 13-year-old girl is good enough to be a CIA Field Agent, whilst Dave Bautista has stopped being The Best Field Agent In The CIA's History in order to sit behind a desk and teach that 13-year-old girl how to ultimately be a CIA Field Agent.

The girl is, of course, now his step-daughter, as Bautista married the woman he saved in the first "My Spy" movie (which was pretty good, as you may recall). However, Mrs. Bautista is a doctor who volunteers for work in Africa, so we only see her once, in a Zoom call. This sets up both hilarity and conflict as Bautista finds out his step-daughter's zeal to become a CIA Field Agent is being replace by her zeal to meet boys; but Bautista's zeal to train her to become a CIA Field Agent is as strong as ever.

What's a teen to do?

Get involved in an international conspiracy, of course. Plus, also find out that she's been lusting after the wrong boy, while the right boy has been in front of her the whole time. You can fill in the blanks.

I'll fill in the grades, which are the same for both movies - D.

While we're giving out grades, we should grade Summer 2024. I give it a "B". We had some real stinkers - these two movies, plus the two putrid movies that starred Ryan Gosling and Jake Gyllenhaal (don't know if I spelled that right, don't care). But we had Deadpool and also "Trap"! Two good summer movies don't make an A. but I'll go with a B because I guess I can thank "Roadhouse" and "The Fall Guy" for affirming my pledge to never ever watch another movie with either Gosling or Gyllenhaal in it.

So I've got that going for me, which is nice (name that movie!).