Let's Hope 2025 Brings Better Movies Than Last Year!

[RodeoSchro]

HAVOC, PART 2 OF ____ PARTS

The cop that got crushed by the cocaine-laden washing machine is in the hospital and it turns out he's part of a five-member crooked cop gang out of Narcotics. Also in the gang are Timothy Olyphant and, kind of, Tom Hardy. Hardy was a full-fledged member of the crooked cop gang but went soft so they kicked him out of Narcotics and put him in Homicide.

The crooked cop gang has a secret - they'd shown up somewhere to steal a bunch of drugs but a dude walked in on them. He got throat-slashed but before he died, the crooked cop gang found out that dude was a cop too, although an undercover cop. Hardy insists they have to get him to a hospital but Timothy Olyphant disagrees and settles the disagreement by shooting the undercover cop. This was the point at which the other four guys considered Hardy "soft" and booted him out of Narcotics.

Now that we know all the relevant facts, the rest of the movie is dedicated to the shooting, stabbing, scything, clawing, burning and bludgeoning of as many people as possible - all in the service of getting Forrest Whitaker's some and that girl to safety.

SIDENOTE: The girl has an uncle who owns a salvage yard and produces fake passports on the side. The uncle is played by Luis Guzman. Here is Luis Guzman:

​

You know that guy! You're probably like me - you think you've seen him in a million things. I sure did! But when I checked his filmography, I found out I'd only seen him in maybe three things. Wow, talk about a recognizable face!

Back to all the havoc. In what can in no way be described as a spoiler, everyone gets blown to bits except Hardy, the guy and the girl. Literally everyone else dies via the multiple ways I described above.

It's clear that "Havoc" is aimed squarely at the demographic of which RodeoSchro is a member - there are 1,750 reviews on Google and there are as many 5-star ratings as their are 1-star ratings. I need to find the 875 dudes who rated this as five stars and hang out with them.

You can go ahead and insert a "2" in the line at the top of this post because really, even I have only so many ways to describe being shot, stabbed, scythed, clawed, burned or bludgeoned to a bitter end. Suffice to say that I'm giving "Havoc" 4.5 Speargunned Chinese Crime Lady Karate Champions out of 5 Speargunned Chinese Crime Lady Karate Champions although - and this IS a spoiler - there is only one Chinese Crime Lady Karate Champion in "Havoc".

It's still the best movie of the year so far, though!

 

[RodeoSchro]

FIGHT OR FLIGHT
May 13, 2025

More like Fight AND Flight, amirite?

Of course I am! Let me summarize thusly:

Josh Hartnett gets on a flight and spends the entire time fighting bad guys.

Ta-dah! The one-minute movie review!

And really - do you need more? Nope, but you're gonna get more!

There's a baddie called "The Ghost". No one knows who The Ghost is or if The Ghost is a man or woman. All they know is The Ghost is a master techno thief whose taken down companies, countries and whatnot. The Steely-Eyed Lady needs to capture The Ghost and gets a chance when The Ghost is spotted on CCTV leaving a place in Bangkok where The Ghost has killed a bunch of people. They know that's The Ghost because it's the only person that left that building alive; therefore, The Ghost.

She and her horrible assistant are able to track The Ghost into a cab and it's apparent The Ghost is going to the Bangkok airport. Quick, get a Tac Team on it! Except...the closest Tac Team is in Singapore and can't possibly get to Bangkok before whatever plane The Ghost is going to board - and aren't you proud of me for not calling The Ghost "Tha Ghost"? You should be!

The Steely-Eyed Lady's horrible assistant says, "We don't have anyone!" but the Steely-Eyed Lady says, "We have one option, if you can even call it that".

And here comes Josh Hartnett! He's hung over, passed out in a Pedicab, and in the process of having an eight-year-old with a cigarette behind his ear take Hartnett's folding money. But of course Hartnett wakes up, stops the kid, fires up the cancer stick, remembers he hates smoking, and lets the kid go. He then does the only natural thing and heads to his local bar for a liquid breakfast.

Whereupon he's set upon by The Steely-Eyed Lady's goons who, I guess, are goonie enough to apprehend Hartnett but not goonie enough to apprehend The Ghost. And as it turns out, they aren't goonie enough to apprehend Hartnett either, so the Steely-Eyed Lady made the right choice in not sending the goons after The Ghost. They'd have been mincemeat in no time at all. How do I know this?

Because Hartnett turned them into mincemeat! But the Steely-Eyed Lady calls Hartnett and convinces him to go after The Ghost.

Hartnett had been in the Secret Service but got fired when, while on a detail in Thailand or somewhere, stepped in and stopped a pervy American dude from beating up a prostitute for fun. The pervy American dude did not come out of that confrontation alive, which was bad for Hartnett because the pervy dude's brother was the Deputy Director of the CIA and declared a jihad on Hartnett, forcing Hartnett to run for his life for the rest of his life.

But if Hartnett can just get on the plane with The Ghost and bring The Ghost in alive, all will be forgiven. What choice does Hartnett have? Well, only one if he wants to finish the movie!

One of the Steely-Eyed Lady's tech dudes finds an itinerary for The Ghost hidden on the Dark Web. What a break! Now they know WHICH plane The Ghost is getting on! It's the one heading for San Francisco, so Hartnett gets on it.

And that's where both the flight AND the fight begin!

HEY WHAT A GREAT SEQUE THIS WOULD MAKE INTO A PART TWO SO I'M CALLING "SEGUE!" AND NOW FOR SOME REASON I WANT TO RIDE A SEGWAY, WHICH IS SOMETHING I HAVE NEVER DONE.

 

[RodeoSchro]

FIGHT OR FLIGHT, PART TWO. GREAT SEQUE, BUT NO MORE SEGWAY REFERENCES, AS THIS TAKES PLACE ON AN AIRPLANE AND THERE'S NOT ENOUGH ROOM TO RIDE A SEGWAY ON AN AIRPLANE. THAT DOES NOT MEAN MY DREAM TO RIDE IS A SEGWAY IS GOING TO GO UNFULFILLED THOUGH!

Hartnett has a seat in first class and his seatmate is both an aspiring singer/actor AND a contract killer. He gives Hartnett a loaded drink but because Hartnett is a Professional Drinker, all it does is make him woozy but not woozy enough to be killed. There's a great fight in the first-class shower/bathroom/locker room, during which at one point the contract killer bonks his head on the toiler and I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING:

He's gonna get killed via getting boinked on the head by a toilet lid because no one can survive getting boinked on the head by a toilet lid!

Alas, he is not boinked on the head by a toilet lid but he is dispatched in quite the imaginative manner.

Two flight attendants discover the mayhem and Hartnett has to level with them. As it turns out - and this is no spoiler - one of the attendants is The Ghost and in fact, Hartnett somehow knew almost immediately who The Ghost was. It also turns out The Ghost's itinerary had been discovered by all the contract killers in the greater Bangkok metropolitan area, and there are a LOT of contract killers in the greater Bangkok metropolitan area. They somehow all made the flight and: (a) there's a $10 million bounty on the scalp of The Ghost, so they all want to kill The Ghost so as to collect the bounty, and/but (b) Hartnett is the only person on board who wants to take The Ghost alive. Therefore, Hartnett and The Ghost have to partner up.

This would have worked great except someone texted a picture of Hartnett to all the contract killers on board and it's not exactly clear why, but now all the contract killers want to kill Hartnett - either because they think he's The Ghost, or they're told he stands between them and The Ghost/$10 million.

Thus begins the fight part of the movie in earnest.

Great fights too! Luckily, The Ghost has three female Samurai Warriors on board as a security detail - although they all ultimately die in amusing ways - but the general mayhem is very entertaining.

Now, for the actual SPOILER ALERT and really - don't read it if you want to enjoy "Fight or Flight" to its full Enjoyment Capacity.

SPOILER ALERT

NO, REALLY - SPOILER ALERT

FINAL WARNING - SPOILER ALERT

First of all, the Steely-Eyed Lady does NOT work for the government, although we're led to believe that. Nope, she works for an evil corporation. The Ghost has invented the most powerful computer ever and it could be used for incredible good OR to illegally amass incredible wealth. The Steely-Eyed Lady and her horrible assistant are focused on the latter.

But not The Ghost! Hartnett got thrown out of the Secret Service basically because he has a conscious and as it turns out, so does The Ghost, In fact, all that hacking The Ghost had done was done to attack various child trafficking organizations. The Ghost is a force for good!

Hartnett figures all this out and in the end, he and The Ghost defeat the Steely-Eyed Lady. They did not need to defeat the Steely-Eyed Lady's horrible assistant, as the Steely-Eyed Lady did that job for them.

In the climactic battle, Hartnett is wounded and when he wakes up, he's in a battlefield hospital. You know it's a battlefield hospital because a big battle is taking place outside.

The Ghost bursts in, untethers Hartnett from the various tubes keeping him alive, and says, "Come on! It's not over! We've got more to do!"

Fin.

And sequel! And franchise! And, really?

Because we shall end this by going down the Josh Hartnett rabbit hole and after we do, you'll be as surprised as I was that he signed up for what is hoped to be a franchise.

First of all - wait, let's start with second of all. This is a Prince-related site, after all.

Hartnett is from Saint Paul, Minnesota and yes - he DID get to hang around Prince some. He had an ex-girlfriend who knew him, back in the 80's/'90's. He spoke highly of Prince, saying he never saw Prince make his bodyguards give him piggy-back rides.

But FIRST of all - his dad played guitar in Al Green's band! Apparently not for very long, as a quick Google search of "Daniel Hartnett Al Green" didn't turn up any credits, but HE PLAYED WITH AL GREEN. Clearly, Josh Hartnett grew up in a very cool environment.

Mainly though, Hartnett likes acting but doesn't like fame. At ALL. He's 46 and he's still not sure he even wants to BE an actor. So he seems like an unlikely guy to commit to a franchise, but it looks like that's exactly what happened.

Will that be cool, too? I don't know, that's up to the writers. OR - that could be up to me! You all know that I would make a great writer, so maybe I should start now! This would be a daunting franchise to tackle - "Fight or Flight" had five-count-em-five people credited as "Crowd Dressers". This movie takes place mainly on a plane and it took five people to blandly dress all the contract killers from the greater Bangkok metropolitan area?

I can handle that. I know I can!

Therefore, knowing that if I write the sequel it will get five stars, I can only rate the original, non-RodeoSchro-written film as 4 Stab Wounds out of 5 Stab Wounds. Gotta save the top slot for me and my eminent Oscar!